Just a thought

            I don’t get the women that say they don’t want a man to take care of them. I know from personal experience that this is not necessary, but to say that you don’t want that, makes you broken. I get the being broken part, I really do. It’s what I strive every single day not to be. I don’t want to be a broken and bitter mess and when I find myself falling into that I cringe. There is nothing more unattractive on a woman than the sick idea that she doesn’t need anyone in her life, that she doesn’t need help and that she doesn’t need the love of a man. I see a lot of women act like that and say that they don’t need someone to take care of them and guess what? I don’t often see those women in a relationship or at least a very happy one. If you have been hurt and betrayed it is so much easier to just look at life and think you’re better off on your own and doing it all yourself. That’s not the way that it should be. I have been “doing it alone” for almost a year now and I am exhausted and worn out every single day of my life. I want for someone to take care of me, I know I can do it myself, I have been proving that for the past year. I do not want to do it alone. I want help and I want someone to love me, and trust me, and be my best friend. The absence of that has been the worst part of the separation from my husband. For those of you married and in a good relationship, you know that feeling you get when you have been home alone or with the kids all day and then your husband walks in and just his presence alone makes you feel better? I miss that. I am a scaredy cat and being home alone at night just sucks. My imagination is super over active and I pretty much imagine myself being killed in my bed at least once a night. I never had those issues lying next to my husband…not ever. I hate horror movies, I don’t like aliens, ghosts, zombies, vampires, spiders, snakes…the list goes on. If I watch something remotely scary I have to follow it up with a kid’s movie or show just to fall asleep. I literally just put Sabrina the Teenage Witch on my hulu instant queue as a fall back for when I see something that makes me nervous. I didn’t have that problem with a man in my bed. In my household my husband was the physical strength, he liked and I liked it. I didn’t feel the need to emasculate him and make him feel like I was just as strong as he was. In the event of a zombie apocalypse I was completely safe ;) I built him up and confirmed his masculinity. I want someone who can fight for me and for our family if necessary. I want someone who can protect my home. I want someone who when they walk in I don’t think, yeah I could have handled this all on my own. I honestly think that women who set themselves up to be super independent and just as strong as any man have set themselves up for a disappointing life. I don’t think women should be uneducated and not able to work or vote or have a brain…this isn’t a third world country. I don’t even think that a woman shouldn’t know how to change a tire or hang a picture, but I think that there needs to be a balance between necessity and throwing away your femininity. Sure learn how to change that tire in case of an emergency but seriously don’t push a man away if he is willing to do it for you. It is in a man’s (a real man) make- up to provide care and protection. It is in a woman’s (a real woman) make- up to allow and accept that. My biggest fear for my life is that I would be too busy trying to do everything on my own that I don’t allow room for a man, that I will be 40 and too tough. I do what I have to do to live but as soon as my hero is ready to fly in rescue me, I will be ready and waiting. 

To the Husbands of the Good Wives

Dear Husbands,

                This is what we want you to know and sometimes cannot voice to you or, we cannot find the words to say to tell you because when we do it comes out sounding ridiculous or silly.

                First of all we love you; we love you more than we have ever loved anyone else. We love being with you all of the time and although “girl’s night” is fun we spend the whole night thinking about you and we are excited to get home and see you. We don’t really get what you mean when you say time apart is good because we do not feel that way. We don’t think you are a bad husband when you say you need to get out with the guys but it hurts a little when you act like you need time away from us. We make a big deal about things like that not because we think every time you go out you are lying to us but we make a big deal about it because it feels like rejection even when it isn’t. We said yes to marrying you because we loved being with you and we think time with you makes us better and makes our life amazing.

                We love doing things for you. We have a lot going on when we get married to you because we have to take on things that before us your mother did or sometimes you did yourself but not as well as we do it. So basically we take over being your mom in the way where we make sure you have clean clothes and a clean home and food to eat. Not only do we take over that but we also take on being your best friend and your lover. When you get sick we want to be the ones that nurse you back to health. We do make fun of you for the way a cold will keep you bed ridden for days at a time but that’s just a front. We love playing “nurse” for you. We hate that when you are sick sometimes your mom still tries to come take care of you. We feel like she is overstepping her boundaries and we want her gone. No, not dead but out of state or something. No, you are no longer her baby, you are our husband and we don’t call her to come clean the bathroom or cook your meals so we most certainly don’t want her help when you have the sniffles. We would rather be stressed out and moody than admit that we are having trouble keeping up with everything. We want to do it all and be it all for you and we wouldn’t change this for the world but it can be overwhelming. We want everything to be perfect for you and when its not we tend to lash out…at you. I know its crazy and you won’t get it but when something goes wrong and we feel like we have let you down we get really frustrated with everything. Sorry this probably won’t ever change just like your reaction to it probably won’t change.

                If we argue, no matter how big or small we want to make up in a big way. It has to be completely clear in our minds that the argument is over and that you like us again. We don’t need the silent treatment to know we were being a brat…we usually know while we are doing it. If the argument is your fault we do want an apology but mostly we just want to be happy and feel like you love us. Seriously, most of our bratty moods come from our insecurities.

                When you asked us to marry you, you gave us a gift. Yes the ring, and yes we care about the ring but not so much the size just that you gave us the best that you could because we are worth it. The best gift was the worth that you gave us, you set us apart and that meant more to us than anything. You gave us a confidence that only betrayal from you could shake. We felt like the luckiest girl in the world that day and we still do. Sometimes we wake up in the middle of the night and we see you next to us and we just smile. We feel like the chosen one…mostly because we are. The saying that a happy girl is the prettiest kind of girl is so true! When we feel loved and safe our whole personality is better and when we feel good we want to look good.

                We really do think you are the best looking guy in the world. We know you have seen better looking people than us and we know you are aware that we have seen better looking people but to us you are it. There is no one else in the world that can compare to you because Adam Levine has not loved us and taken care of us like you have. We are not as physically oriented as you are so yes, we are attracted to the man who takes care of us. You are our hero every single day. We will make comments about other guys to get back at you for talking about other girls but it’s not serious it is just retaliation. We are jealous (if there is a woman who says she isn’t she is lying and she is not a good wife). We are not jealous in the way where we think you even have a chance with Adriana Lima or Megan Fox but we are jealous in the way where we can’t airbrush our bodies for you and we like to eat. Once again we know that you being attracted to other people doesn’t make you a bad husband at all but we are still going to secretly (or not so secretly) hate that other girl. We feel less pretty when compared to others even if we know we are better looking.

                If you betray us or walk away from us you may as well have told us we are worthless. You have taken away something amazing and beautiful and we know it will get better but we don’t ever feel like we will be the same. Just because you may have decided that you didn’t love us doesn’t mean our love for you was able to disappear. We still have the same love and care for you and it’s haunting. If you don’t walk away but you have betrayed us and want to work things out with us it’s basically starting over. No, we don’t trust you anymore but we love you and we want to build that trust back up again. We know we can’t keep bringing the past up because or relationship is new but we have moments where the memory of your betrayal takes our breath away and we don’t know what to do. Give us time and don’t yell at us for being upset. Understand that if we didn’t want things to work out we wouldn’t be here trying but also realize that it’s going to take time and effort on your part and if we aren’t worth that then don’t come back.

                When we first get married and you get sick it scares us. We feel like you may die and since you act like you are going to die its easier for us to get worked up over. I guess we know a cold isn’t going to kill you but at the same time you are our hero and seeing you weak and sickly makes us worry. Sometimes we put on a brave face when we are handing you your Nyquil and then we get all teary eyed when we walk out of the room. It doesn’t help our mental state that we stayed up all night making sure you were sleeping and not dead. We know it’s crazy and uncalled for to be that worried but we love you and we don’t want anything bad to happen to you.

                We believe in you more than anyone else ever has. We may disagree with you about things but we think you can do anything. You are our husband and we seriously adore you.

                                                                                                                                Sincerely,

                                                                                                                           The Good Wives