Time Will Not Stop

                I have realized that if there is one thing in life that breaks my heart the most it is the realization that time does not stop and wait for people and even if we do, life continues and time keeps on moving. Why does this break my heart? Because sometimes I am afraid that people are waiting too long to do what they should have done long before and eventually your life ends and sometimes people never make it to the place where they are what they should be and should have been all along. It breaks my heart because people I care about so much are in the process of ruining their lives and at any second it can just end. How many wake up calls and failures does it take for people to realize that this is not a game? I don’t get angry, I get sad. I am worried for them and I want them to be all better. My heart doesn't break that you have made a mistake or that while ruining your life you have hurt other people that love you so much, it breaks my heart that someday your life may end and when it ends you will not have become better, you have not been all that you should be. I am not kidding when I say that I wish I could pause time and let all of my friends and family get to a good place and then continue with them, always moving forward and none of us moving backward. I love people, I love people a lot! I want everyone to be ok and not just ok but happy and having a really good life. Once I invest in you I never want to see you hurt or scared or alone and what hurts me most is that sometimes people let themselves do that over and over. It’s like I can see them drowning but they don’t want help and so you walk away but you never forget the feeling of watching them fail. You can walk away from someone and not look back, you can move on with your life and you will because like I said time continues but that doesn't mean that you forget the way it looked to watch them waste their life. I will never forget that. I will never forget what it is like. To walk away does not mean to forget, to walk away means to not keep looking in that direction. Time continues and your life flies by and one day you wake up and realize that over six months have passed and you are better and you are alive and then you remember that not everyone walked out of this better. Someone stayed behind. If you are anything like me then that’s when your heart breaks all over again. You don’t like to watch someone fail; you don’t like to remember that they are ruining so many good things for themselves and for other people. I just want time to stop until they can get their crap together. Time does not stop. I mean I guess if it did it would be a horrible feeling for you. You would be stuck in that place of pain and fear just waiting for someone else and that’s not a good way to live, but watching time move on and their life waste away doesn't always seem like a better option. I know what the right thing to do is; I know that making sure I am where I should be takes precedence over putting you’re my life on hold. I know that being happy and living life is important and so I do what I have to do to make sure that’s where I am, but there are times when I am thinking about someone I left behind and it breaks my heart. There are moments where I am really sad knowing that not everyone I love is ok. I know I am right and I know I am ok, but sometimes knowing that is just a reminder that not everyone is and that sucks.