I Can Handle That!

Let me preface this post with the following "just so you know" statements so you can leave all judgement and wondering where it belongs: 1. I do not have children. 2. I have my own car. 3. My husband likes to go do his own thing. 4. My housework has been sadly neglected all week. When you read this keep in mind that I am not on here to complain or make my life seem miserable. I am also not on here to flaunt my successes or freedoms to make it seem like I am so much better off than you. I am on here to express how I feel about everything from marriage to driving on 390. For the past two weekends I have had one night that was a total girls night! These nights did not involve me being out past midnight (I rarely see that hour these days) nor did it involve me getting crazy drunk to be "who I really am". I really am me all of the time and like it or not who I really am changes minute to minute. I love my girls nights because it does involve real friends, lots of laughing, story sharing, good food, and of course like any good party thrown by a pentecostal it involves "Mocktails." Tonight's variety was a Lusty Lime Virgin LOL. Last weekend was a virgin Piña Colada! Haha thank God that virgin for me and virgin for these drinks means two very different things. If virgin for me meant without alcohol I would be one for the rest of my life ;) There have been so many things that I wanted and I thought I was working towards and because of that there have been some wake up calls and some disappointments. Let me be completely frank...I want a baby. I would love to find out tonight that I am pregnant and I would love to be holding my own little baby and kissing their soft fuzzy head. I am not so sure the whole being up all night and battling more pounds to lose is what I want but if its part of the package then I readily except. I really thought by now Mark and I would be settling into that lets start a family phase and while he was a while ago...I was NOT. Now that I am he is not and I just hope that eventually we can meet up on baby lane. I actually have no doubt that we will. I also want to not be broke. I want to have money to go grocery shopping and pay my bills and then not look at my account in horror because I forgot that some payment was auto deducted. I thought surely by now we would be further along in this area...nope! We are worse off now then when we first got married. I want to be a stepford wife...seriously I do! I want the body, the hair, the ability to cook amazing meals, the pearls while vacuuming, and most of all the ability to please my husband all of the time day or night. Above all of that I want to go to heaven. I want my life to be good because I am living it fully and not because I have a baby, money, or a 100% in Wifing (just made that word right up). I dont have to wait to have all of those things to have a happy perfect life. My sister and I have been praying for each other and our marriages and let me tell you I am not the same. Nothing has changed with my circumstances but I have changed. I love, love, love life. So what Mark went out again tonight...I had a lovely evening and I am learning who I am. So what rent is due again...I am going to heaven. So what I am not a mommy yet...God is the creator of babies, I will get one in the perfect time. Tonight I enjoyed not just endured a night with the girls. Next weekend it can be a different group all together. The past two girls nights have been totally different people but hey I am willing to go for 3 in a row :) I am just so happy to be living and so yes, I will take that!