Looking Back

I was just looking over my posts from last year because I wanted to see where I was a year ago and what has changed in my life. Alot has changed. I do not like to look back very often because you cannot change the past and there are no such things and do overs in life. When I see the changes it breaks my heart and hurts a little bit but as I looked at some of my past posts I was so relieved to find that I am a much better person than I was a year ago. I have grown up alot and have learned lessons in life and love that I may have not wanted to learn but that helped me grow. When I look back I see how small and unimportant I felt most of the time and how I never felt like I measured up. I was trying to be the standard of woman that I thought people wanted and not realizing my potential was so much more! I did so many things that I am not proud of to try to keep people in my life and to keep things the way I thought they should be. I am still learning and still healing but I am so different from who I was then. I am so thankful for all the people who have really stood by me and helped me through this past year. All of my family and alot of friends. I have an entire church family who has fought many of my battles with me by praying. My life is not what I though it would be and so many of my plans and my dreams were shot down but I am finally realizing that it is all ok. My goals and my aspirations are nothing if they are not backed by God and I want to do what he wants me to do and be who he wants me to be so that I have no identity in what I think I should be. I still believe in love and life and fighting for the people you love and being completely right, no one has been able to steal that from me. I know what is right and when I don't know, I know how to find out. I look at areas of my life and start to perceive them as incomplete when thats just not true. My life is good. My life is perfect.