New Year's Resolutions...

...I do not have any. There are things that I would like to change, but not just because it is a new year. These are things that I have been wanting to change forever. Things that I dislike about myself, things that I wish I did better. There are people I want to love more and some people that I do not want in my life anymore. If that sounds wrong somehow then keep reading and I will explain.
1. Things that I dislike about myself: I want to be thinner and I want to be more tan and I want perfect eyebrows and naturally bright red lips and soft shiny hair. I want to have the image of a Victoria's Secret model. Probably because their fantastic bodies are splashed all over the place and it may have something to do with the fact that my husband one time mentioned one as being beautiful... (If Adriana Lima is ever found dead and I can't be fopund in this country then you know why). These images make me feel inadequate. I also realize that these pictures are airbrushed and there is a lot of make up and fake everything involved. Am I a horrible person to admit that I would take some pretty durastic measures if I knew I could look like that. Instead I sit on my couch and watch netflix and eat snacks because that is what I enjoy doing. People tell me that once I start working out I will enjoy it. Obsess over it is a more accurate description. I have been there before. I may or may not start taking that up soon. I will not make a resolution about it because then I will feel like it is a chore and like people are expecting something from me.
Things I wish I did better: I wish that I was the kind of wife that loved to come home and make dinner and have the whole house in order before her husbnad got home. I am not. I hate cooking and I clean about once a week. Usually my husbnad comes home late and when he gets home I am in bed or on the couch. On the noights that he is home before nine I want to sit there and hang out with him not be in the kitchen the whole night. I wonder if this has anything to do with the fact that I work a full time job. If I didn't then I would have no excuses and I would be able to work out and clean and at least attempt to cook. So basically I wish that I did my wifely duties better and that I didnt use all of my energy and resources in the working world.
People that I wish I loved more: I wish that I loved people more completely. I wish that I didnt have alot of the hang ups that I have and that I was able to just completely let go of anything nef=gative. Thats not to sy that people I love wont continue to let me down whether intentional or not, but I don't want the ways people have let me down in the past get in the way of how I treat people now. The people that are probably affected most by this are: My husband and my family. My husband the most. When I say that I wish I loved these people more I do not mean that I do not love them with everything that I have now. I do wish that somehow that love could be bigger and better and I know that, that will only happen when things change inside of me.
People that I do not want in my life anymore: There are people that simply bring you down. Sometimes you do not even realize that they are until you leave the situation. Negativity is a no no. Trying to constantly one up is you is a no no. You need to surround yourself with truth and love and there has been too many instances for me where that is not the case. Then you find yourself falling into that pattern and becoming the negative one. Influence is subtle but it is lasting and to get rid of it you need to cut that person( or rather the spirit) off. That person doesn't even have to be a physical entity in your life. The simple memory of a person can be almost as bad. I want to cut them off completely and not have any part opf the negative those people have left behind. So no I do not have new years resolutions. These things may or may not happen in this year for me a new year is not a new start. A new day is a new start. Everyday I will live with detremination to be the best that I can be and forget yesteday and not worry about tomorrow.