More lately than ever I am acutely aware that I have been afraid for far too long. Im not sure how I realized this because its not the kind of fear where I sit shaking waiting for the boogey man to jump out at me. It is more of a fear of life. Life is not guaranteed to anyone...at least not in this physical body. At any given moment you can be taken from this life. So many people I know have, in the past few years, been diagnosed with some horrible life threatening illness or have died suddenly in some sort of accident. It is true that you know you are.getting older when the number of people you know who have died is getting bigger. In my husbands family alone two people he was close to have passed away and another one is fighting cancer. Those are just the most recent people there have been so many more that I know of. Apart from death there are other things in life that can forever change the way you live. Something physically dehabilitating can alter even the smallest aspects of your life. Someone you love can betray you and hurt you, leaving scars (yes wounds heal but scars are a reminder that some type of damage was done) that you will always live with. Just simply getting up every single day puts you at risk in some way. Is that cynical of me? Yes it is. Why is it that everytime you hear of something horrible happening to a person you automatically put yourself in that situation? Like how would I ever survived if that happened to me or my family? That almost brings on depression because for a minute you can imagine what that other person or family is feeling and its never good. Constant reminders of how fragile life is can be stressful. It brings on an amazing amount of anxiety. I am so incredibly guilty of doing this. Playing into the fear and letting lies take over. Why should I be upset and angry and almost treating my husband badly because I may know some husbands out there that are being less than honorable? I absolutely should not! Why should I start looking for signs of sickenss in my body because someone I know is ill. I cannot! These are not Gods wake up calls for your life! Its not like he is screaming for you to look at these peoples hardships and try to remedy your own life. He is still in complete control of every situation and he doesn't need help from peoples personal tradgedies to get your attention. There is such an obsession in this world to know peoples business and try to fix fix fix! You alone will never fix anyone so why stress out trying to. There is a difference between having care and love for someone and wanting to control someones life. I want to love and care for people without feeling like I have to fix people. Its when I begin to try and fix situations that I become fearful and fret. I want to live freely. I don't want to wake up every single day wondering what tradgedy may befall me. I want to wake up everyday and thank God for another day to live completely in him. In him there is no fear of anything...not even life.