Physical Fitness = Mental Issues

Ok so aybe it is just me but there is something bad that happens to me mentally when I am trying to get physically in shape. I mentioned in my last blog that I would update my blog and tell all of you readers bow its been going so here it is:
My first day was last tuesday the 7th and it started off bad and almost ruined me. I went home and changed my clothes and headed straight for the gym. I was very enthused and ready to go and I burst into the room only to find that all of the machines were being used and on top of that everyone in the gym room just stared at me. I stood there for about 30 seconds and all of my enthusiasm drained away. I had to head home defeated and tell my usband that I couldnt even get on a treadmill and that just made me grumpy. Now mind you my husband has off from work on tuesdays so he was home and had been expecting me gone for at least 30 minutes. By the time I stomped back up the stairs to my apartment i was fuming at the world! How dare tehy ruin my plans to get in shape and be healthy and sexy! The people in the gym were all middle aged and just taking up space lol! at least in my mind I deserved to be there way more. When I got home I immediately started whining to my husband about not being able to work out and of course he had all of these suggestions none of which worked for me. I told him that I would wait until he left and then jsut do things at home. When he left I still sat on my couch pouting and thinking horrible thoughts about what a waste of time this was. I will never have the body I want and I will never be good enough and I just want to curl up on the couch and sleep and I want to eat whatever i want without counting he calories....on and on my misery went until I thought about the real reason I had started this. I ws doing this to be healthy not be a crazed maniac. So i got my butt off of the the couch and I did my workout. it was only about 30 minutes long and did not even involve alot of cardio and yet when I got done I could barely breathe and I was all red faced. I felt like I was going to throw up and I was even more grumpy than before. This was not at all how I pictured things going and it killed my attitude and any drive I had. i stood in the shower and balled because after putting myself through hell when I looked in the mirror I still hated what I saw. Luckily my husband was not home for any of this or he would have had me locked up for sure. Miraculously the next morning I woke up sore and that cured me. i finally realized that I had done something and that my body was feeling it. It renewed my desire to do the work out and to eat better. So the next day I did it again this time actually gping outside to jog and walk and ever since it has been going well and I have been doing good in eating and mentally i felt fine and happy...until today. I am tired today and its wednesday which means that it is a work out day for me but I do not want to do it. I did not last night because it was a night off for me and it was valentines and today I am thinking that I just want to relax and lay down. This may ahve something to do with the fact that I have my period but I am just not feeling the whole workout thing. I am determined to do something but I am not committing to a full routine today. I do not want to be coe one of those psychotic poeple who panic when they can't do what they feel like they need to do. You see last night I didn't eat so good because my husband made dinner for me and I made brownies and we had ice cream and today I feel fat and disgusting and sluggish. I shouldn't have to freak out if I have a treat or if I go over my allotted 1200 calories.I do not want this to be an obsession. I do want this to work out for me but if my pace is not meeting peoples expectations I do not want to feel like a failure. I am hoping that my physical and mental health will come together and that I will be just fine. Today I am going to hang out with a friend and just chat and I think that will do wonders for my mental stability. Also she has been through this whole workout ordeal and I know that she will have advice and wisdom. Any ideas or comments on how to get over this blah attitude would be greatly appreciated.