Just a thought

            I don’t get the women that say they don’t want a man to take care of them. I know from personal experience that this is not necessary, but to say that you don’t want that, makes you broken. I get the being broken part, I really do. It’s what I strive every single day not to be. I don’t want to be a broken and bitter mess and when I find myself falling into that I cringe. There is nothing more unattractive on a woman than the sick idea that she doesn’t need anyone in her life, that she doesn’t need help and that she doesn’t need the love of a man. I see a lot of women act like that and say that they don’t need someone to take care of them and guess what? I don’t often see those women in a relationship or at least a very happy one. If you have been hurt and betrayed it is so much easier to just look at life and think you’re better off on your own and doing it all yourself. That’s not the way that it should be. I have been “doing it alone” for almost a year now and I am exhausted and worn out every single day of my life. I want for someone to take care of me, I know I can do it myself, I have been proving that for the past year. I do not want to do it alone. I want help and I want someone to love me, and trust me, and be my best friend. The absence of that has been the worst part of the separation from my husband. For those of you married and in a good relationship, you know that feeling you get when you have been home alone or with the kids all day and then your husband walks in and just his presence alone makes you feel better? I miss that. I am a scaredy cat and being home alone at night just sucks. My imagination is super over active and I pretty much imagine myself being killed in my bed at least once a night. I never had those issues lying next to my husband…not ever. I hate horror movies, I don’t like aliens, ghosts, zombies, vampires, spiders, snakes…the list goes on. If I watch something remotely scary I have to follow it up with a kid’s movie or show just to fall asleep. I literally just put Sabrina the Teenage Witch on my hulu instant queue as a fall back for when I see something that makes me nervous. I didn’t have that problem with a man in my bed. In my household my husband was the physical strength, he liked and I liked it. I didn’t feel the need to emasculate him and make him feel like I was just as strong as he was. In the event of a zombie apocalypse I was completely safe ;) I built him up and confirmed his masculinity. I want someone who can fight for me and for our family if necessary. I want someone who can protect my home. I want someone who when they walk in I don’t think, yeah I could have handled this all on my own. I honestly think that women who set themselves up to be super independent and just as strong as any man have set themselves up for a disappointing life. I don’t think women should be uneducated and not able to work or vote or have a brain…this isn’t a third world country. I don’t even think that a woman shouldn’t know how to change a tire or hang a picture, but I think that there needs to be a balance between necessity and throwing away your femininity. Sure learn how to change that tire in case of an emergency but seriously don’t push a man away if he is willing to do it for you. It is in a man’s (a real man) make- up to provide care and protection. It is in a woman’s (a real woman) make- up to allow and accept that. My biggest fear for my life is that I would be too busy trying to do everything on my own that I don’t allow room for a man, that I will be 40 and too tough. I do what I have to do to live but as soon as my hero is ready to fly in rescue me, I will be ready and waiting.